A New Year’s Message from a Cat

A New Year’s Message from a Cat

Dear Humans,
Followers,
Accidental Food Providers,

As the year comes to an end and the fireworks begin (loud, unnecessary, suspiciously aggressive sky monsters), I, the Cat, feel it is my duty to address you.

Let me be clear: I do not like fireworks.
They are noisy, unpredictable, and clearly designed to test my survival instincts. If you need me, I will be under the bed, guarding the dust with great bravery.

Despite this, you have mostly served me well this year. The bowls were sometimes full, the blankets were mostly warm, and the boxes… acceptable. For this, you have earned my quiet approval.

In the coming New Year, I wish you:

• Many naps (scheduled strictly around my naps)

• Full plates (so mine may also remain full)

• Warm laps that do not move

• Fewer vacuum cleaners

• Zero fireworks

• And the wisdom to understand that knocking things off tables is not bad behavior — it is science.

May your home be cozy, your nights be peaceful, and your decorations remain on the tree (I make no promises).

If you are celebrating tonight, please remember:

• Midnight is a perfectly reasonable feeding time

• Shiny ornaments are not decorations — they are challenges

• And I will sit directly on whatever you are doing in the New Year.

Thank you for your loyal service.
I look forward to ignoring you again next year.

With a soft purr and mild judgment,
🐾 Your Cat

✨ Happy New Year. Please stop the fireworks. And open a can. ✨