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Saturday, August 26, 2017

Jokes for cats

 Fun jokes with cats
 
 
Q: What do you call a cat that can rough the great outdoors? A: A survival kit.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claws!

Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail? A: Me-ow!
 Q: How do you make cats furry? A: The spin cycle.
 Q: Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himilayas? A: She was a sher-paw. 
Q: Why did the cat cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!
 Q: Where does a cat go when he looses his tail? A: The retail store! 
 
 

More cool jokes with cats...

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning herself? A. She's smoking a cigarette. Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? A: A terrified postman! Q: What do you call a pile of kittens? A: a meowntain Q: When is a lion not a lion? A: When he turns into his cage! Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue. Q: Why are cats so good at video games? A: Because they have nine lives! Q: What do you call a flying cat? A: I'm-paws-sible. Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? A: I'm paw! Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? A: She had a litter of mittens. Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother's sister? A: An aunt-eater! Q: Who are cats going to vote for in November? A: Hillary Kitten. Q: Why shouldn't you kidnap the kitten, Keanu? A: Because curiousity killed the cat burglar. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? A: Kitty Perry Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left? A: None, because they were copycats! Hell yeah I'm a catholic i've been addicted to cats my whole life Q: What do you call a cat in a station wagon? A: A car-pet Q: What do tigers wear in bed? A: Stripey pyjamas! Q: Why did the cat wear a dress? A: She was feline fine. 
 
 
Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? A: The purrpatrator. Q: How do you get a wet pussy? A: Put it in the shower. Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"! Q: What is smarter than a talking cat? A: A spelling bee! Q: Why was the cat sitting on the computer? A: To keep an eye on the mouse! Q: What is the most breathless thing on television? A: The Pink Panter Show! Q: What did the cat say when he lost his toys? A: You got to be kitten me. Q: What is a cat's favorite color? A: Purrrple! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo? A: A stripey jumper! Q: What do you get if you cross a chick with an alley cat? A: A peeping tom. Q: What did the alien say to the cat? A: Take me to your litter. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar? A: A sourpuss! Q: How are tigers like sergeants in the army? A: They both wear stripes! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas? A: Because he has sandy claws! Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! Q: Do you want to hear a bad cat joke? A: Just kitten. Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding? A: Chocolate mousse! Q: What looks like half a cat? A: The other half!
 
 
 Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater? A: 'Claws.' Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger? A: A stri-ped! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep? A: A stripey sweater! Q: What do you call a cat that wears make up? A: Glamourpuss. Q: What do cats like to read? A: Cat-alogues! Q. What kind of sports car does a cat drive? A. A Furrari. Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? A: 'Pleased to eat you.'! Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman? A: Frostbite! Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor? A: Bad Blood. Q: What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? A: Purrr-suasive. Q: What do you call a cat who just ate a duck? A: a duck-filled platy puss. Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.' Q: What is a lion's favorite food? A: Baked beings! Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian? A: He felt funny!
 
 
 
 Q: What's striped and bouncy? A: A tiger on a pogo stick! Q: What is the cat's favorite TV show? A: The evening mews! Q: How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? A: Smack a lion! Q: What is a cat's favorite dance move? A: The Purr-colator. Q: Why was the cat scared of the tree? A: Because of its bark. Q: What do you feed an invisible cat? A: Evaporated milk. Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs? A: Hailing taxi cabs! Q: How is cat food sold? A: Usually purr can! Q: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A: A tiger moth! Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food? A: 'Let us prey.' Q: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? A: A catastrophe! Q: Who was the most powerful cat in China? A: Chairman Miaow! Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree? A: A cat-a-logue! Q: What do you call a cat race? A: A meowathon. Q: Why did the cat get pulled over by the police? A: Because it "littered" Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim? A: An octopuss! Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross? A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit! Q: When the cat's away.....? A: The house smells better!
 
 
 Q: What is a cats favorite vegetable? A: As-purr-agus. Q: Did you know that cats designed the great pyramids of Giza? A: It was all drawn out on paw-pyrus. Q: What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A: A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night! Q: Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the airplane? A: She let the cat out of the bag. Q: Why are cats so good at video games? A: Because they have nine lives! Q: What's a cat's favorite button on the tv remote? A: Paws Q: Did you hear about the cat that thought she was a dog? A: She was purr-plexed. Q: What do cats like to eat on sunny days? A: Mice cream cones! Q: What do you call a cat that doesn't use the litter box? A: A pet project. Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas? A: Santa Claws! Q: What kind of car does a fat cat drive? A: a Catillac! Q: Why was the cat so small? A: Because it only ate condensed milk! Q: What do you call Long John Silver when he has a cat on his shoulder? A: A purr-ate! Q: What do you call a cat that smells good? A: prrrr-fume. Q: Did you hear about the cat who wanted to learn how to bark? A: Curiousity killed the cat. Q: How do the Vietnamese like their soup? A: Purrrrrfect. Q: What is a cats favorite kitchen tool? A: The "whisker". Q: What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? A: An eskimew!
 
 
 
 Q: What is a cats favorite book? A: The prince and the paw-purr. Q: What did the cat say to the dog? A: Check meow-t! Q: What do you call a cat on ice? A: One cool cat. Cat: "You're not real!" Nyan Cat: "At least I have a sparkly rainbow butt." Q: What is a cats favorite musical instrument? A: Purr-cussion. Q: What do you call a cat that can address the media? A: a Press Kit. Q: What do cats wear at night? A: paw-jamas! Q: What time is it when ten cats chase a mouse? A: Ten After One. Q: What do you call a cat that does tricks? A: A magic kit. Q: What do you call a painting of a cat? A: A paw-trait Q: What do you call a cat when it is huge? A: A MEOW-SIVE CAT Q: What do you call a cat that can't stop licking itself? A: Purrr-verted. Q: What do you call a cat that can put together furniture from Ikea? A: an Assembly kit. Q: Why did the cat go to the river? A: Claws it wanted to. Q: What's grumpy cat's favourite ride at Dreamworld in Australia? A: The Paw! Q: What's the first thing you say to a cat? A: HELLO KITTY! Q: What do you need to get a fast cat to use the litter box? A: Quicksand. Q: What was the special offer at the pet store this week? A: Buy 1 Cat get 1 Flea!



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