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Saturday, September 2, 2017

Collection of jokes for cats

A few more screams for cats:






 Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cat sitting next to him.
"Are you a cat?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The cat replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

Old Cat Lady
It was Christmas Eve. A poor old lady was sitting alone, except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman's good fairy appeared in the room.

The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her: "Don't be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas, so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up."

The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand. "Wait!" she said. "Before you make a wish, think carefully! You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!"

So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking. Eventually, she spoke: "First", she said, "I want to be very, very wealthy."

Poof! Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins, and sacks of bank-notes. There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime.

The old woman looked around and smiled. She thought some more, and spoke again: "Next", she said, "I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18."

Poof! The old woman disappeared. In her place sat a beautiful young woman, with smooth, white skin and long, golden hair. The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled.

"Third", she said to the fairy, "I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince, who will love me and take care of me all my life!"

Poof! The fairy disappeared, and the cat leapt up from his place by the fire as a handsome young prince. He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said: "Hah! Now you're really going to be sorry that you took me to the vet!"
Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say.
Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face.
Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will
make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't
care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your
slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you.
Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.

8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have
someone take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play
with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like
they're in pain.

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly  sneak
out the back door.

Dingo
One day a lady took a dingo to the veterinarian. The doctor looked at the dingo and shook his head.
"I'm sorry your dingo is dead" said the doctor.
"How could you be so sure" the lady said.
So the man left the room and come back with a labrodore retriever. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the dingo and shook its head.
The doctor left the room again and come back with a cat. The cat also sniffed the dingo and shook its head.
The doctor said that the dingo was 100% dead.
With the lady still in shock, the doctor handed the bill to the lady. "$400, why $400?".
The doctor replied "If you had've believed me first it would of been $60".
"But why still" the lady insists.
To which the doctor says "Because you had a lab report and a cat scan!"

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